Behond The Sunset-Chapter 11
by Tanuja Chatterjee
Back to - Beyond the Sunset-Chapter 10
The room had been attended to when Roy opened the door. He moved about for a while then settled down on the couch beside the window. From the eighth floor, he could see the city of Kolkata quite clearly. It had a beautiful green cover and Roy liked it. Ordering a cup of coffee and a few cookies, he loosened his belt and stretched his legs to relax. A quiet whole day to kill! Reaching out for the letter, he found on the car seat, his expressions changed. He took it out carefully and smelled it first. It smelled of her perfume “The Fragonard”. Then he gently kissed it before opening it. His love did find some meaningful expressions. He was eager to read it undisturbed, so decided to open it after his coffee was delivered. It wasn’t long when it arrived.
He didn’t hurry though his heart was pounding heavily but reached for the paper knife and slit it open carefully. He didn’t want to tear her art on the envelop. He tried to be respectful even in her absence. Taking it out gently, he opened the letter and began to read,
Hope you’ve found my letter. I’m taking the help of this blank page to say a few words on my behalf and I hope you’ll read it amidst all the comforts of your hotel room.
I was happy to have found you and spend such precious cheery moments with you yesterday. Your warmth will continue to live on and on. I wanted to be with you again today, and I wanted to, so badly…for it would have been my home coming. I’ve missed you and will continue to do so in this lifetime but the brighter side is that there are memories to cherish as well….they’ve been my true friends always…never left me alone and bewildered. They’ve filled the void within, left behind, by you.
Even if it is a hard life, we live it anyway…don’t we! Today, we are middle aged beings…with hearts still overflowing. We are called matured people. Then how can we make things worse for each other and also for others in our present lives? What I’ve learnt from my experiences of life is that this is how the blueprints of our destinies are designed. It is painful to accept this phase of turmoil but I know come what may, I’ve got to brave it through. Neither can we be bitter nor meek.
Just look outside, through your window, isn’t the day bright and sunny? So, why do you behold that painful expression still? Don’t stay dejected and gloomy! Cheer up Dear, ‘coz everything in life happens for a reason! You know it! You know it better than me…don’t you! Those sitting on a pin top understand the pains and the sufferings of their situations better.
Just think, we met and fell in love, though that was ages past, but still today I feel as if it had been yesterday! It was your love and warmth that kept me warm at heart as well. How can I ever forget that! It is next to impossible and for it, I’ll remain indebted to you forever!
You know what, when you came into my view for the first time, I knew … oh I just knew, somehow, that you were the one! And I was so right! All these years I couldn’t find another “you”. Though it took me a while to convince myself, but I realized that the ways of the heart are mystic. As a young girl of sixteen, emerging through her teens, I was so lost and was drifting along aimlessly … till I found you. Those innumerable emotional and physical tug-of-wars, confused me, but the sunny part was that you knew you cared and so did I. Then everything changed. ..And my world changed forever!
Roy , that glorious sunshine was short lived, for an unfair and a mean weather lurked round the corner which brought in great depression. We parted. You had to go away. I could do nothing about it nor could you.
“Accept it gracefully, Abha!” I think this is what you had said. I did. It was the first wrong I committed. I shouldn’t have. My tears never ceased to flow but you always told me “Tears will make you and me weak.” And I forced them in with all my might and consciously tried hard to wear a smile. The second wrong committed. Do you think it happened just like that? No, not at all. Since our hearts were united we became too sure of each other. We took our relationship for granted. Distance that was turning into a gulf lay beyond our comprehension, because I wasn’t on my guard. My third wrong. New place…new people…new bunch of friends…new segments added…new chords drawn … were all tiny tentacles pulling you away from me. ..by developing a shift in attitude thereby creating a difference in the heart and mind of a fine young boy of twenty one.
Then came the day when you broke the news through your letter …that final “Good Bye”, do you know what happened then? A “sudden death” not of a dream but of human spirit! Shocking, disturbing, heart wrenching of betrayal ushered in those heart crushing hard times. Its emptiness since then. Emotionally abused though, I had no scars to show. Silently I stood amid the vastness of deserted soul. Nothing really mattered any more….got mired in a deeper stillness.
Just as you held me at the lowest possible respect and considered me as a replaceable commodity, Just as with time you realized that being in a relationship with me had been an erroneous decision on your part, so does Aniruddh.
Both of you took me as a case of ‘mistaken identity”, considering my value below its worth to you. Nothing comes for free in this world. Love prospers with its “Give and Take, so does life with its “Win and Lose”. I am neither a parasite nor a “mistaken identity” . I’m ability –unlimited. Both of you may have prospered and grown in life but this growth has to be sustainable too. There is no gainsaying that with betrayal you undermine the humanitarian foundation of my existence. Today, I refuse to accept things lying down. I believe, there is need to stand up alone and face this betrayal squarely at its face through an appropriate move. I understand that I was the wrong person, at the wrong place at the wrong time. I’ve pondered enough with careful reasoning and have realized that none of you are to be blamed because it’s all my fault. I followed my heart. I thought that those, whom I love the most, will also love me back, equally and loyally but found it otherwise and that breach of trust can’t be rationalized through any reasoning. I am a human being Roy and not a commodity which is available at any one’s whims and fancies. Innumerable times I’ve thanked god, all these years, for bringing me to you, to understand later that it was nothing but a monitored rationing of my very existence. How could my loved ones be so cruel, so stone hearted!
Today, as I disembark, I leave you all. I set your mind, body and spirit free, without any regret or any longing. It would be pointless to show case a search operation for me, for I can’t be found any more. It’s for the good. I declare loud and clear that as I fade away I carry no bitterness within me for you all, just because life did not work my way. I believe in living life everyday looking at the sun.
Roy looked at the letter with mixed emotions and got up. Standing beside the window, he looked out with flooded eyes. “Don’t leave me Abha, don’t!” slipped a silent plea from his lips. He turned to reach for his cell. He must do the dirty job of informing Anu….He had to.
To be continued ....
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