Confession of a First time Mother
by Sonali Arora Chugh
(New Delhi, India)
I Wanted A Baby Boy But...
I want to share a little secret with you today.
When I was expecting, I wished for a baby boy. The sole reason being that our society has never been able to give the women their due.
Though we say that the society is evolving everyday but truly, being born as a girl, I myself have known and seen the very upsetting situation of women everywhere; be it at home or in the professional front.
So as a mother, rather as a possessive one, I had fears and inhibitions of how my daughter would be treated in every phase of her life. And so as a soon-to-be-mommy, I never wanted my baby (like all the mothers in the world) to face any such unworthy problem. We all have been through those issues at some point in our lives). I was actually scared. Very scared!
But then Anaya was born. In that moment, one feeling that came to me as soon as the doctor took her out of me was strength, immense amount of it.
The only thing I thought of then was, "Thank God, my baby has come out safely and is fine" with absolutely no question or reflection of gender in my mind. The first sense of strength felt for the first time. Today when I have her with me, I feel and have understood how fragile I was.
If a boy gives the sense of completeness to a mother, a girl is the one who gives her all the strength and realization of her as a super being to have brought another super strength to life, to carry on the progeny of a man.
And now that I have her, as another blessing, came the wisdom of understanding the power of a woman. First as a mother, which is way beyond all these petty expectations and consideration of gender. I really thank Anaya for being there, to have made me realize my worth.
My angel, my princess, my other pious-self; Anaya.This has been written with a pure intention of helping my friends whom I have come across many times facing post-delivery depression because of being in one of such situations.
This lightening in the form of my daughter has changed my outlook towards myself and others.
Hoping that sharing this positive experience will help other women sailing in the same boat as mine. I hope that I have been able to share my feelings as a women and as a mother with others so that we all can face this pain that is inherent and keep fighting with all our lives with no more fear but with pride alone. ***