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Divorce on the Rise - contd

by Sudha Chandrasekaran
(Coimbatore, India)

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However, the option for divorce, to a large extent, is still class led because the rise is being seen amongst the educated, wealthier and middle class spouses. divorce is still not very popular among the lower strata of society owing to the stigma attached to it; the huge cost involved; the long years taken by of the judiciary system in settling the issue etc. These factors act as deterrents, more so if children are involved.

There was a time not so long ago when the word 'divorce' was taboo and ending an abusive or unhappy marriage was difficult. Now, it appears that we may be poised to swing in the opposite direction. But as the saying goes, perhaps the pendulum has to swing to the other extreme before we can find a balance. Increasing divorce rates maybe a good indicator of the empowerment of women, but it could also be an indicator of the fall in value that we associate with "family". Are we as a society becoming less tolerant of lapses in character to the point of not giving one's partner a second chance? I know it is very difficult to identify where tolerance stops and where abuse begins. Does this mean that Indian society will begin to face the problems already faced by the West- such as huge rise in single parents and the loss of values, respect and appreciation by children who no
longer have solid family structures to follow, as was experienced in the past in India?

Why were there not many divorces in the bygone days? Only when you define your marriage space do you facilitate the process of bonding with your partner. It is all about the attitude you have towards your marriage, your partner and the bond between both of you. And surely you would agree with me that both the partners need to have similar attitudes and approach to marriage. A marriage template is how each of you defines a good wife and a good husband. Typically, the marriage that we have viewed closely is that of our parents, or older relatives, or friends, whoever we were closest to. Even if we do not realize it, each of us has a role model marriage imprinted in our subconscious minds. Nine times out of ten, this turns out to be our parents’ marriage. The templates which we have observed prior to our marriage are known as primary templates of marriage. If both partners possess almost similar marriage templates, which are indeed not very common, then marriage is a smooth sailing one. In arranged marriages of yesteryears, finding alliances from similar backgrounds lead to less level of adjustments and friction amongst the partners. So, we have to get on with the task of defining our final marriage templates more consciously than our forefathers to avoid the increasing number of divorces that is prevalent today.

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