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Friends are forever, Cousins are for life

by Sudha Chandrasekaran
(Coimbatore, India)

Friends are forever, cousins are for life!
The adults—the parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles—might have conflicts, but the cousins mostly never do. Team Cousin includes a whole bunch of family members. Which of them has the best familial connection? It's not a sibling connection because the term "sibling" is immediately followed by the word "rivalry," just as a truck is connected to its trailer. A cousin relationship is different from any other kind. Cousins look up to one another. You and your cousin may be similar in many aspects bur at the same time different as well. . In a hazy mirror, your cousin occasionally resembles you. Our first friends are mostly our cousins.

There are several families with just one kid. Although being an only kid may have benefits, the lack of siblings can result in weaker social abilities. These connections offer emotional support that might be lacking elsewhere. A child's first best friend is frequently a cousin. They belong to your family as well. Cousins automatically get into their group right from their child hood and need no invitation to join their group! They are warmly welcomed into this cousin team.

Several are the activities, discussions and games in which they are all active participants irrespective of their ages. Thus they become more socially active with great interaction abilities that include sharing, resolving conflicts and waiting patiently for their turns. These lessons enable them to develop social skills and become more flexible and adaptable. Organizing and carrying out group activities is part of bringing people together. The capacity to function as a team is enhanced by working together and collaborating with one another. All facets of life can benefit from these abilities.

You can strengthen the bond between cousins and promote greater relationships in a variety of ways. Family practices, culture, and tradition are passed on at gatherings and sleepovers.

Sleepovers are a night full of movies, games, and storytelling that foster enduring memories. Cousins are closer and bond better when they spend a night together under the same roof. The sleepover usually takes place at their grandparents' home following a family supper, which reminds me of a quote I once read: "Grandma's House is the place ... where cousins go to become friends.” This loving place is one where they are always welcomed with open arms. Without a second thought, they share beds, pajamas, shoes, and clothes.

Cousins are ideal playmates where “play dates” and "sleep overs” need no prior arrangement because they simply occur. There are several shared experiences while growing up that includes trips, adventures and fun times. . Vacations with the families foster a sense of unity and forges enduring relationships. These in turn enables the building of solid trust and emotional space between them. It develops a support system that goes beyond close family members as you get older. Empathy and understanding lead to adaptability and emotional well-being. When making important life decisions, cousins can provide direction and support. They offer a sense of security, particularly in unpredictable circumstances.

Our cousins are more than mere relatives…they are our accomplices, fun mates, and solid rock in times of distress. Our cousins knew us when we were children, and hopefully they will know us when we are adults. They understand us in a way that few others can since they have been there for us during several significant and unforgettable moments of our youth. The connection strengthens with age, becoming long-lasting friendships.

Cousins are a secure environment because they are always there for us to talk about our parents and siblings; share our aspirations and anxieties; and be our true selves. The ‘strange and peculiar habits and behaviours of the family’ are valued by cousins. They are aware of the peculiarities that set their families apart and make them unique. They understand each other in a way which only few do. They are familiar with the tale of how their cousin sustained that scar on the back of his knee and why some of them are hesitant to operate a motor bike or a jet ski; they are aware of their grandfather's workaholic tendencies and their grandmother's love and patience. Cousins are the ideal blend of friend and sibling in one package. They provide us a shoulder to lean on when we they are in trouble. They may have small tiffs amongst them, but beware if someone outside the family says the same thing, and then the hell breaks loose! Such is the bonding between cousins.

The ties between cousins are unaffected by distance. In today's rapidly changing times, the need for strong family ties is the need of the hour. This reminds me of my own cousins. My cousins are spread throughout India as well as other parts of the world. Believe me it is possible to connect with a cousin after several years.Cousins pick up the thread very easily after several years of non communication between them.Cousins are wonderful because this relationship has no expectations or coercions…All they have is intimacy to a great extent.

Connections with cousins establish h enduring traditions and memories that they will value for years to come. I spent several holidays with my cousins during my growing up years. My cousins range in age from my age to much older or younger than me. However, the older we get, the less important these variations in age become. Despite the possibility that several years could have passed between face-to-face encounters, the age gap and geographical distance that separate cousins seem insignificant when they are together. And it's certainly the case for me, where distance and our jobs took me and my cousin Sridhar to different continents for years and we literally lost touch with each other. Sridhar, who now lives in the US now, calls me quite frequently over the past few years and we have lengthy conversations that are not particularly significant but that we undoubtedly enjoy!

All across the world, in both developed and developing nations, families are becoming smaller. Nowadays, people have fewer cousins than they did in previous generations. The lesser number of cousins we have, fewer will be the people on whom we can totally rely in our lives. Also there will be less protection against solitude especially in old age, when grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles are no more.

I firmly think that the secure relationships I had with my cousins throughout my childhood contributed to establishing a solid basis for me as an adult now. A cousin can frequently offer the fortitude and encouragement we need to get through difficult times since we grew up together and have faced challenges and misfortunes. For instance, no one will be there to share memories with you like a cousin when the family suffers a loss. You know they will experience the same suffering that you do. You have the power to make one another smile once more and aid in one another's healing.
In present times, technology helps us to overcome this gap of distance. Online meetings of cousins’ group are there where they animatedly chat about their lives and share stories.

For those of us who are in our 50s or 60s, ‘cousin time’ was mostly during weddings, festivals, holidays and the like. But these days, owing to the advent of technology and ease of travel, cousins meet more often and do not necessarily wait for any occasion to get together. It's all about kids forming relationships that will last long after their formative years. The bonds that will sustain them in the future, when things are difficult and when they need the kind of unwavering affection and comprehension that only family members and more so cousins can provide. The connection of cousinhood is one that cannot be duplicated with anybody else in one's life. They create a lifetime of memories that will make them laugh, cry, reminiscence and traverse the memory lane about 20, 50, or 80 years from now.

“Treasure your cousins, they were your first friends and will love you forever.”