Revelation - contd
by Vasudha Joshi
Back to Page 1 of the story.
Nishant was getting restless. I rose to take leave. Invited her over to our house.
‘Oh, you stay there? That area has changed so much! It is like America there.’ Tara’s husband exclaimed.
‘Yes, it is like that but people like us also stay there. So you must come and see. Only give me a prior message.’
Ok, said Tara and drew me aside. 'You have everything, Neha. Now don’t wait any more and have your child soon,’ she whispered. ***
‘No privacy in their life’, Nishant remarked on the way back.
‘They don’t miss it. They don’t know what it means. You can’t miss what you don’t know. But they are so happy!’ I was defending them!
‘There is that of course.’ Nishant did not want to argue with me.
I found that my mood had changed. The depression which was settling over me had vanished. Tara’s life had made me realise how utterly self-absorbed I had become. With it came a loss of perspective and so my mind was going round and round in a groove, thinking of the same problems.
I had to snap out of this obsession. Was I holding back on effort and hard work? I was doing my best and that was all that I could do. How can I guarantee that my efforts alone will lead me to my goals? There were other people, their motives, hidden agendas, office politics and double talk. They made life very complicated. Time was another big factor. How can I expect quick or immediate results?
I had made the mistake of allowing my work to take over everything. I had no other life left. Nishant, Natasha, Ma-in-law – they are not other people. They are family. I can’t compare them to my back-stabbing office colleagues.
But what did Tara mean
by that last piece of advice? Could it be that she fathomed my unhappiness and with a woman’s instinct, went to its root cause? I want a child. A laughing, talking, crying, headstrong bundle of nerves, all my own and a joint creation of Nishant and I.
Like an arrow through my heart, the thought penetrated to the deepest core of my existence and made me gasp with its clarity. So this is what it is! This is what I have been yearning for.
I came to my senses and looked around, bewildered. Nishant had stopped the car and he sat there looking at me.
‘What has happened, Neha? You were miles away. Was it something in USA? Won’t you tell me?’
The sincerity in his voice cut me to the quick. He is the same today as on our wedding day: steadfast, reliable, cerebral, undemonstrative, with his heart in the right place. I have not been fair to him. I have been making him a scapegoat for all my problems.
Tears sprang to my eyes and I began sobbing. Nishant drew me to him. His touch had feelings and warmth in it. My sobbing increased.
Nishant waited patiently, holding me tightly and running his hands over my back, my hair. I could not stop crying. It was like a dam bursting. My heart was melting and its frozen parts were taking the form of tears and sobs.
‘So you have found somebody after your own heart rather than your laid back husband?’ Nishant asked me seriously.
‘No, no!’ I denied it vehemently and in between more sobs blurted out, 'I want my child!’
Time passed. At last, when I gained some control over myself, I looked at Nishant. His face was alight with joy. He was beaming from ear to ear. ‘This is what I have been waiting to hear!’ ***