by Jenifer Fernando
I suddenly felt free. All my pain magically disappeared. My heart was no longer heavy that I could not even feel its beat. It felt light and calm. I saw myself sleeping peacefully. I really enjoyed this dream. I usually rolled 365 degrees in sleep. Today I did not move even by a millimetre, It was surprising and shocking. Maybe I was really tired. I had a really crazy day and I deserved this sleep. I watched my mom sleep next to me. Her eyes were tightly shut and a frown occupied her face. She rolled over and held my hand. I laughed to myself. She loved me unconditionally despite everything going on in my life. No one on earth could do this, I told myself. She suddenly woke up with a fright. She started feeling my hand and feet. She started calling my name aloud. I was still angry on her and was not ready to get over it yet. She called my father and brother who came running into the room.Being a drama queen, I liked the attention they were giving. I decided to lay still. My father shook me hard. I laughed to myself. I remembered the words he spoke and it prompted me to stay still. My brother splashed water in my face. I did not feel it. Still did not mind it. I was laughing at his attempts to wake me up. My mother started crying and I felt guilty. I decided to open my eyes. And then I realized
I was watching the whole scene standing near the window, floating in the air. Someone had called the ambulance when I was busy understanding the situation. The guy held my hand tightly and placed a stethoscope on it. I did not feel it, But I saw it. He looked up and said She is dead. My mom fainted . I rushed to help her. But could not feel it. My dad turned pale. My brother's eyes was filled with tears and he looked confused. I would have laughed at him. But sadness engulfed the house.
How did I die? I wondered. My brother held a paper and started reading it. Tears flooded his eyes and Memory flooded me. I had a fight with my parents last night. Fights were a common thing these days. Ever Since I met him. I knew him only for a few days but had a connect with him. He made me smile. He made me cry. He made me feel different. I got bumps every time I saw him. He is my friend. The first guy friend I ever had. My parents did not like it. Their perspective of me changed after that. I did not feel anything wrong in it. All my friends spoke with guys and their parents were cool about it, Sometimes the drama and their reaction was too much to bear at times.
Today the war started even before I woke up. Anu, get up my mom screamed. She never listens to us anymore, my dad grumbled. 5 more minutes, I pulled my blanket closer. Who do they connect me talking to a guy to sleeping for extra ten minutes. God , Please let me die and end my
I prayed. Little did I know that he would answer my prayers so soon. I went to college and had a real bad day. My only consolation was meeting him in the evening. I ran to his desk the minute the class got over. He was busy talking to a girl. I instantly hated the girl. Jealously engulfed me. I went and stood near him hoping to grab his attention. He wanted to make me jealous and possessive, I knew. He looked and asked me if I needed something. I was shocked. Excuse us, they said and left.
Was my parents right? How will I face my brother again? I froze on the spot. My phone beeped and I mechanically answered it. 'Listen,' he said. 'Don't ever talk to me in public. I don't want to be tagged along with you. You are not pretty and you know it. I will be your friend. But don't tell anyone about it.' And he disconnected the call without bothering to listen to my answer. I was crushed. Was I a sin? My parents hated me. They kept blaming my every move. My brother despised me. And my crush was ashamed of me.
I called my best friend and wanted to vent my sorrows away. She gave me a brilliant idea. 'Threaten them all,' she said. 'What? People take us for granted and think they can get away with it.' She spoke for 30 minutes and the only thing which registered in my mind was sleeping pills. 'Are you sure I won't die?' I asked her for the 99th time. 'I have done it many times and I am not a ghost,' she said. I did it one time and I am a ghost now. The name itself scared me. Other than the ability to float and lack of body, I looked almost the same. I wanted to escape from the house. I could not see my loved ones weeping. But I was not able to leave it.
All my relatives were filled with sorrow. People blamed each other and themselves. I felt like crying but could not feel my tears. I have done so many mistakes in life. But this is the worst. I saw a guy standing in a corner and staring at my lifeless body. It was him. What was he doing here? Did he come here to celebrate my death? I looked closely. His face was wet with tears and his mouth kept repeating something. 'I miss you and I love you' were the words. These were the words I longed to listen and it was too late. Maybe he was trying to make me jealous or maybe he was guilty. Anyway he was too late. And I was late too.
A kind word could have made a difference.
A good advice could have made a difference.
A little patience could have made a difference.
Still it did not,
And it was too late...
I wondered why I was still here. Why did not I leave? I then realized, It was not yet the time. I was destined to stay till the time came. This is worse than life itself. To see my loved ones with tears. But it was too late...***