I Will Never Miss You - contd
by Anoop Pandey
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‘Please find a note from rack beneath very bench where you had found me sobbing on that day.’
I ran towards that bench hurriedly, I didn’t realize when a tear drop fell from my eyes. And it did repeat again… This time they rolled down with my cheek while I was seeking where the sweet bench is. The same bench where she used to sit and convey her message. I found it. That specific bench near a book stall, right of the way to retiring room, on opposite left upper corner a big LED display has been installed which had been broadcasting a soccer match. People were busy to watch the game and so I was to seek and find her note. And I found it beneath that very bench inside the hole as it contained several hollow circular pipes made of stainless steel. I took it in my hand and few drops of tears fell on the very note which my friend had left for me instead of meeting even being promised to do so.“Dear, Vivan,
I never wanted to say this to you. But I didn’t have any other option. Please, understand me, my feelings for my passion, my life, my dream, my obligations and my desires too. Yes, my desires, for you, were only just so tiny to be with you, like I had. But they’ve made me take flight to India only tonight. How could I tell you this when I were with you? While I wanted to tell you that I like you, instead. But I couldn’t say anything either. I know it was necessary. Please forgive me for not telling you before. Your forgiveness will make me think of getting a place in your heart. But I want also to tell you that I’m going to skip that Qatar guy. To skip them… And tell them that I’m not going to be a part like goods to make such bloody business deals. I will contact you thru InterNation. And a request for you is not to come at airport while I’m leaving. Neither, I want you to see me going off… Nor I too want to see you so. I will talk with Qatar guy that I don’t want him neither to marry him nor interested in their wedding-cum-business plan. And also don’t come to India too… behind me…Or for me….Even if I won’t return to you. Promise Me…. And lastly… Please accept one more request… Promise me, not to forget me…forever…
I would love to love you…like I do… like you do… ”
My heart was pumping like a steam engine. My body was getting trembled and I felt like cold ice caps were placed on me. On forehead sweat got settled, then ran towards down to find some earth to be stable. Like my life have been pushed in danger. Or she put herself in… Somewhere in bloody and dangerous business deal.
I did same as she had instructed… No, she had only requested, my heart said. Even I wanted to check airport what was actually happened. But I returned to my residence instead. There was no question, neither to attend any party nor even to dine. But I could say yes if I had been offered any kind of wine. I didn’t know whether it would have worked fine.
I threw myself on the bed, sunk in thoughts, thoughts of her and us but there was no sign of sleep while clock showed it was 4 o’clock. ** 18 months later, June 21, 2015 in Mumbai, India
I had come to India just 15 days ago as my grandfather had died. I had seen him only once when we came for a summer vacation with my family from Romania. Then I was only 12 years old and after that I’ve not visited my father’s birth soil which is in a small village called GangaPur near Varanasi in U.P. My mother never wanted to visit India as she feels to be different and awkward as people says her to be an untraditional and unsocial type foreigner woman who can’t hold a place like my grandmother has held. But I love India. I feel different even in Romania that I’m specific having Indian originality. I just came here in Mumbai to make this visit special. I had watched several Bollywood movies too, also heard people being called this city as A City of Dreams. After four days I had to fly back to my place in Bucharest where I got influenced with a stranger’s innocent bond of affection. I wished I would find her again, at least for once. It was neither any prayer nor desire. In fact, actually I wanted to know her wellbeing . I was sure only this won’t work for me but I knew if there is nothing then it is better to have something at least. I was staying with my cousin’s apartment in Powai. He had planned to make me visit the entire city in only four days. I went to Juhu Beach, Kanheri Caves, and CST on day one and two.
three, we went for movies- a Bollywood movie in a city theatre which is famous for its screening of block-busters- I insisted to see it again back to back. It was Salman Khan’s movie- Bajrangi Bhaijan. The only Bollywood movie which I had seen twice and back to back shows. In late evening we went a club, we danced, we made fun and also not to forget to mention we boozed too. Then after having dinner we returned to the apartment. It was very late. that was all I could realize but not the exact time. We slept fell and slept in dining hall I didn’t know when.
It was the final day of my visit in Mumbai. I woke up early in the morning. I moved towards the windows as I could remember I have seen people doing yoga, jogging, meditation and workouts on road which was only for them. I loved watching this. I felt some kind of affection with those people, because they were only Indian or else I didn’t know. And also I hadn’t want to know but only to gaze at them. I really, didn’t want to know who and who were they.
I came down to live like them who were living the essence of life. I sat on a wooden bench. I wanted to gaze at each one of them. I wanted to garnish these scenes of happiness. Then astonishingly, my eyes were stuck on a lady who was leading a group of kids, adults and also few senior citizens inclusively. Who was she? I found her to be as similar as to my Tanisha, my own Tanisha , more or less I didn’t know, but what I knew was there was some similarity at least or at certain level if not completely. I wanted to run down to check whether she was Tanisha. There weren’t any negativity in my mind. I stood up on that bench. I could see only her hands were wide parallel to ground and faced my face as to beckoning me to join her. I became curious to see her… To ask her… To talk with her… To know how would she have managed to be here if she was Tanisha. I too, joined those people and her, stood facing her and so became her disciple. I saw her, finally yes. I saw her closed eyes, her charming and innocent face. And yes, she was my Tanisha. I didn’t know whether it was so difficult to follow her moves or my feelings were coming being hurdles. And later our eyes met and what I saw my appearance astonished her. She stopped, checked whether it was any misconception either. She burst in to tears as she found me in front of her. Others worried what the matter was. They were reckoning that it was me who made her neutral. But they too understood who am I and waited for us to speak. I too wanted to speak something at least like her but there were no words or any psyche to say any single word. What we did was all and only to keep seeing, or gazing, or garnishing each other in ours sight. I wondered if she came from any wonderland. And she ran to me, gave me her first tight hug… And yes, of course this was my first hug too. Her memories flashed back in my mind. Specially, about her last meeting, and her that message and note.
‘Why? How were you? You don’t have any idea what you made me to go through. You told me what you had to tell. But you didn’t give a chance to reply even not to see you going off. My love… Tanisha’
‘Now I’m good…But not then. They became worsen day by day. They killed my family and showed it as an accident… I lost everything…I lost your togetherness… I lost myself too… I came here finally with the help of friends and see I’ve survived while they tried their best to kill me too. And I escaped, thus, today I’m more alive and in front of you.’ Now her heart had poured and burst, with feelings, emotions and also in to tears from her eyes at the very same time like rain, bliss and blessings of god are falling from sky at same time.
‘You could have told me or made me known at least. Okay. Forget what had happened. Let’s start all over again - where we had started what and we had dreamt.’ Now we came to a bench and sat. She wore black tights reaching till lower knees and a gray fitted top which seemed to be a yoga outfit. She had made her hair to fix a chignon on back head top. Her heart was beating with its full capacity and so did mine too. I had my love, so I had my dream. That was only the dream which I’d been nurtured here in this city of dreams, perhaps unknowingly, may be if not in reality. I kissed her on forehead then our lips got locked for first time. She too joined passionately. ***