But Just Say I Love You - 16
by Jaysree Vijay
(Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India)
Back to Chapter 15
“So you are Hashna?”, asked Shyam.
“Yes”, she replied as she slowly pulled a strand of her hair and started curling it with her left hand fingers.
She mumbled a hindi song.
Her body language was completely transformed. Vijay was witnessing how his innocent Harini had now transformed into a bold woman.
“You like hindi songs?”, inquired Shyam.
“Yes, Of course. That is because I was born in Delhi”
“Oh I see. Hashna, can you elaborate on that?” , asked Shyam. He was now slowly trying to bring out Hashna fully.
“It was in New Delhi. Six months back”, smiled Hashna.
“Can you please tell me how did it happen?”
“My love Vijay, took that lame dog with him and went to visit his sister, Shwetha.”, Hashna explained as if Harini was a different person. “Vijay's parents and Harini’s parents had come too. It was a fine evening; Vijay's sister started the talk. She kept forcing Harini to tell what was wrong between them. She kept asking repeatedly. This insane woman did not have anything to answer. She started crying helplessly. She cried until she was tired. The parents accused her for crying. They stopped the conversation, assuming it was useless to proceed. Harini did not reveal about Vijay's disinterest in her. She kept quiet and took all the blame. That night she wept horribly. She felt she had nowhere to go. She decided to kill herself. That imbecile woman did not even know how to kill herself. She slowly slipped into the washroom, filled the bath tub with water and tried to dunk her head. She suffered for breathing. She gasped for air. She struggled for a moment between life and death. It was when I was born. Something in this Harini made him hate her. I thought I should be an all-new woman. I decided to mould myself into a form, which would be loved by Vijay completely compared to much he hates Harini. If Vijay’s entire liking took a form, it should be me, I thought. That is how I started working on myself and that is how I am till now”, Hashna took a long pause following her prolonged talk.
Shyam started noting so many things.
“Do you like Harini?”
“I hate her. Listen doctor; do not talk about that female to me. She is now standing as a hurdle in between me and Vijay. I hate her. I want to kill her.” shouted Hashna. She pointed to a marble flower vase. “I would smash it on her head and kill her”, Hashna was shouting on top of her lungs. She was panting heavily. She was out of control. Shyam sensed the situation was going obstreperous.
“Harini, Harini”, he shook her. There was no response.
“Harini”, Shyam shook her hard.
Harini's facial expressions changed again. She was slowly transformed into her own self. She fell back on the chair. Shyam injected something on her hand. He signalled Vijay to get up and come out.
Vijay was terrified. Shyam could sense it from his face.
“Vijay, from this initial session, all that I could make out was, Harini was subjected to depression of not knowing what in her made you hate her so much. The depression has resulted in birth of Hashna, Harini's alter. In order to eradicate the alter completely from Harini, you have to make Harini believe that the reason for the outcome of Alter does not exist and will not re-appear in future. Hashna could be completely removed from Harini's imagination only if the need of Hashna does not exist in Harini’s real life. When the reason for the Alter's appearance does not exist, eventually the Alter will leave.”
“In any DID treatment, the toughest part is to identify what caused the birth of alter. In our case, we have achieved the breakthrough right in the first session. It is now completely in your hands. The reason behind Hashna's birth was...”, as Shyam spoke, Vijay started to speak.
“The reason behind Hashna's birth was, Harini imagined that she is the reason behind my hatred towards her. “
“Exactly”, Shyam acknowledged.
“Now it is your turn to eradicate the need of Hashna, which will happen only if Harini gets the confidence in her conscience that you will love Harini , with her own self, with her own pros and cons. Hashna's need inside Harini's mind and body will vanish only if you strongly convey to Harini that there could be no one else whom you will love.”, advised Shyam.
“Shyam, will my Harini be cured? Will I get my Harini back?”, asked Vijay.
“Well, that is in your hands.” , replied Shyam. Shyam could sense the change in Vijay. There was an urge in Vijay to cure Harini. There was an urge in Vijay to apologize to Harini. Above all, there was an urge in Vijay to love his Harini all over again. It is a good sign, Shyam thought.
“Vijay, but it is not over. We have just known who Hashna is. There are still so many questions to be answered. Please bring her tomorrow too. We will have a session again.” , Shyam reminded Vijay.
“You are blessed”, Shyam said, as he scrolled through his notes.
“In her subconscious state, according to her, no other man exists, other than her Vijay. What a pure and deep love!”, exclaimed Shyam.
Vijay hung his head. He had not been worth of it until now. I will love my Harini , not just the way I loved her before, even more than that. I will cure my Harini. I will love her like no one has ever loved anyone else before, Vijay thought.
Shyam sensed some movements in Harini. He slowly walked towards her. She slowly opened her eyes. She was tired. Vijay followed Shyam.
“Vijay!”, she called out.
Vijay helped her to get off her chair. He held her arm tight and helped her walk. Harini looked at Vijay for a moment. Harini's eyes, inspite of undergoing all those, conveyed so much grace and love. Her closeness reminded him of their first meet. This was how he helped her out of the park after hitting her. Is this event signalling him some goodness that he is going to start his love all over again? , thought Vijay.
Shyam waved them a good bye as he saw them getting into their car. Being a psychiatrist, he almost dealt with most concealed parts of patient's personal life. But he was clear that he should not relate to them more than what he actually should. Shyam thought that the same could not be applied to Harini. There was something in her eyes. *** Continued in Chapter 17